When Words Hurt: How To Respond To The Critics of Your Disease

Living with chronic pain hurts.

That's a given. It's even mentioned in the title. But sometimes the emotional pain can cut deeper than the physical agony. Sometimes, friends and family manage to say those little words that can crawl under your skin and sear like hot irons:  
"It can't hurt that bad!" 
"C'mon, man up."
"Just take a Tylenol."  

When those whom you love doubt your pain, it makes everything worse. Here are some ideas on how to respond to such an inflammatory remark.

1.  Attempt to understand where the person is coming from. Usually, people aren't trying to hurt your feelings. Many times, phrases like this are just the result of ignorance. We live in a culture the propogates a fix-it mentality. When people come across a problem or something they don't understand, they throw out an idea to fix it. When that idea doesn't work, they reject that the problem exists. Chronic pain is a problem with no quick fixes, so by nature it makes people uncomfortable. If you can understand why the person is imposing that attitude on you, you can help to change their mind.
2. Don't just brush it off. It's often hard, but it's best to acknowledge when someone says something about your pain that hurts you. It's hard to believe, but if you don't speak up, they honestly might not know they said something wrong. By mentioning that they hurt your feelings, you can open up a dialogue that might help the both of you.
3. Teach people about your condition. Since so many nasty comments are the result of ignorance, a quick lesson on your condition, or even on Chronic Pain in general, can help people understand where you're coming from. For example, most people don't really understand that there's a difference between Rheumatoid Arthritis and Osteoarthritis (wear-and-tear arthritis.) By explaining to people that their grandmother is able to take advil and forget it because her pain is from use, while my pain is equivalent to my body being allergic to every joint and thus filling with blood, they begin to understand the difference between acute and chronic pain. 
4. Let them ask questions. And even encourage it!  We live in a culture which emphasized political correctness, but sometimes this hampers curiosity and understanding. If you're comfortable answering questions about your condition, encourage people to ask. Medical conditions are varied and complex. Certain things that make perfect sense to you-- being able to hike one day and confined to bed the next because of pain-- don't make sense to others. 
5. But know when to tell them to "shove it." After attempting some of the above, you might find that the person you're talking to still doesn't "get it." Take a deep breath, and accept that. Some people don't want to understand where you're coming from. Simply put, some people are assholes. Try to give them the benefit of the doubt, but if it's clear that nothing you're saying sticks, it's perfectly acceptable to tell people that they are entitled to their opinions but you don't want to hear them.